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Today's Joke
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Spasmod Offline
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Post: #11
RE: Today's Joke
Two beautiful sisters, a Blonde and a Brunette walk into the bank with a large bag of cash. The Blonde hands the bag to the Teller and he counts out $1M dollars... "wow!" says the Teller to the Blonde.. "Did you hoard all of this yourself?!"

The Blonde replies.. "No! my sister whored half of it!"
08-10-2015 05:45 PM
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TinWhisker Offline
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Post: #12
RE: Today's Joke
(08-10-2015 05:45 PM)Spasmod Wrote:  Two beautiful sisters, a Blonde and a Brunette walk into the bank with a large bag of cash. The Blonde hands the bag to the Teller and he counts out $1M dollars... "wow!" says the Teller to the Blonde.. "Did you hoard all of this yourself?!"

The Blonde replies.. "No! my sister whored half of it!"

Reminds me of...

A blond and a brunette are in an elevater. A man comes on with horrible dandruff. The brunette whispers to the blond, "Geez, that guy needs some Head and Shoulders!". The blond replies "How do you give shoulders??"
08-10-2015 05:51 PM
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Xprimentyl Offline
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Post: #13
RE: Today's Joke
A gorilla walks into a bar and orders a banana martini. The bartender thinks this is a bit odd and suddenly realizes he’s dreaming. He wakes up and begins to tell his wife the ridiculous dream he just had, but she ignores him. He rolls over and begins to sob because his marriage is in shambles.

There's no ‘I’ in ‘TEAM.’ There’s no ‘U’ either. It doesn’t appear the TEAM needs us, so let’s go grab a beer!Drinks
08-10-2015 05:54 PM
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TinWhisker Offline
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Post: #14
RE: Today's Joke
(08-10-2015 05:54 PM)Xprimentyl Wrote:  A gorilla walks into a bar and orders a banana martini. The bartender thinks this is a bit odd and suddenly realizes he’s dreaming. He wakes up and begins to tell his wife the ridiculous dream he just had, but she ignores him. He rolls over and begins to sob because his marriage is in shambles.

Reminds me again!

A guy walks into a bar. He's going through a divorce because his wife cheated on him, and he's probably going to lose custody of the kids, too.
08-10-2015 06:13 PM
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TinWhisker Offline
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Post: #15
RE: Today's Joke
A guy walks into a bar with a set of jumper cables. The bartender says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything".

A guy walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm. He says "Bartender, I'll have one, and one for the road".

A horse walks into a bar. Bartender says "Hey, why the long face?"

A dyslexic guy walks into a bra.

Two antennas met on a rooftop, fell in love, and got married. The wedding wasn't much, but the reception was great!

The Invisible Man and the Invisible Woman got married. Their kids weren't much to look at.

The nurse walks into the psychiatrist's office and says "Doc, there's a guy out here that thinks he's invisible. The doctor replies "Tell him I can't see him".

A guy walks into a psychiatrist's office completely naked and wrapped in plastic wrap. The nurse says "Clearly I can see your nuts."

OK, that enough for now??
08-10-2015 06:19 PM
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PoleCat Offline
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Post: #16
RE: Today's Joke
 
Here is the situation:
 
You are on a horse, galloping at a constant speed.
 
On your right side is a sharp drop-off.
 
On your left side is a bull elephant traveling at the same speed as you.
 
Directly in front of you is a giraffe and your horse is unable to overtake
it.

 
Behind you is a lion running at the same speed as you and the giraffe.
 
What must you do to get out of this highly dangerous situation alive?
 
Think very clearly, carefully, and logically before you scroll down to look for the answer below . . .
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
Answer:  Wait for the ride to come to a stop, quietly get off the merry-go-round and go into the store where your wife is waiting.
08-10-2015 06:20 PM
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JEFF Offline
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Post: #17
RE: Today's Joke
Inventions by Idiots

1. Inflatable dart board.
2. Glow-in-the-dark sunglasses.
3. A book on how to read.
4. Solar-powered flashlight.
5. Screen door on a submarine.
09-10-2015 05:06 PM
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18sixfifty Offline
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Post: #18
RE: Today's Joke
Why do elephants have flat feet?

To stomp out burning ducks.

If the natural tendencies of mankind are so bad that it is not safe to permit people to be free, how is it that the tendencies of these organizers are always good? Do not the legislators and their appointed agents also belong to the human race? Or do they believe that they themselves are made of a finer clay than the rest of mankind?
09-10-2015 09:28 PM
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nathanielle_jones Offline
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Post: #19
RE: Today's Joke
Man walks into Currys and says to the assistant "I'm looking for a toaster. Do you know a good brand?"
Assistant says "Kenwood"
Man says "Well, can you ask Ken?"

[Image: daddy-pig-banner-background-with-text-lovely.jpg]
09-10-2015 11:05 PM
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Whiskey Offline
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Post: #20
RE: Today's Joke
[Image: 200_zpsc7cf4887.gif]
10-10-2015 09:55 AM
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